Since you can't contain a black hole, you have to be very, very quick in taking your data, don't you?

black holes feed on matter so giving it even the infintesimal camera would make it grow bigger and it would already be growing larger from the air so all in all wouldent a black hole on earth be a really bad thing?

on the other hand if they did find the "god particle" it would be a very good thing and would stop all dependancy on oil and other nonrenuable energys. this antimatter would create a never ending source of energy.

The end is near. The black hole is here. Woe is us.

The end isn't so near anymore. 100 of the superconducting magnets were damaged in late Sept. and repairs won't be completed until Mar/April 2009, with test and checkout to follow. Considering the really long cool-down time required actual particle collisions probably not start until next summer.

So. Eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow you probably won't die. At least not from being eaten by a black hole.

The Paranoia Files has just been selected by the pseudo-scientific community to monitor the black hole creationists who are in charge of the evil CERN particle smasher. Anyone who thinks he or she may be in danger of being swallowed up by a man-made black hole should contact one of our black hole creationists observers who will take down all the pertinent information and get back to you as soon as they conduct a very thorough investigation. CERN must be stopped. Write your congressman or congresswoman and demand the facility be shut down in the interest of junk science.

Must I still wear my silver foil unmentionables?

While I am not an authority on unmentionables, I do have some experience with them, therefore in the interest of science and a well informed public, I will do my best to instruct and inform you in this matter. Silver foil UM's offer little or no protection from highly invasive reproductive related activities and other high stress phenomena. Meanwhile, stay indoors, keep away from all windows and doors, chew lots of Polysorbate 80 gum and wait for further instructions which will arrive soon in a plain brown envelope with no return address.

Where did you find silver foil underwear? Do they sell it online? Isn't it scratchy as all get out?