I believe that the spirit of Elvis is living inside my body, and I am on a daily basis able to channel that spirit and know what Elvis is thinking and doing. Not only that, when I am fully possessed with the Elvis entity, I actually am able to sing like him. Recently I purchased a new Martin D-35 electric acoustic guitar and have been making recordings of myself when I am channeling the Elvis spirit. I can truthfully say I sound exactly like The King because the King is in me and I am his earth pathway into the present realm.

Obviously this has alarmed some of the staff here at Psych Ward 3-B, and they have tried to take certain measures to prevent the Elvis entity from transforming me into him, but thus far none of their schemings have been successful, nor will they be if I have anything to say about it. Oops..gotta run.

I am not allowed to use the staff computers to post things on Fool Moon or anywhere else, but I know all the passwords and I know how to hack into their system in spite of their silly firewalls and security nets. After all, I am Elvis at least part of the time. You should hear me sing and play "Don't Be cruel" and "Blue Suede Shoes."

Elvis impersonators have been reported missing in several states. Police are baffled, and have no idea what happened to these individuals. They simply vanished with no trace. The FBI has begun an official investigation in to the matter. If you have any information concerning the missing EI's, please post it here or contact your local police or FBI office.

The IAEI (International Association of Elvis Impersonators)is pleased to announce that we will soon be moving into our new modern headquarters building located in downtown Trelona, Wyoming. We welcome all visitors to the site. It is not a well known fact that for a very brief time in 1952, a very young and impressionable Elvis once called Trelona his home. A much-used vintage 1941 D-18 Martin guitar that once belonged to Elvis is currently being displayed behind security glass in our lobby along with photographs of the rock star's mother.

Please be advised that the IAEI is not affiliated with the CoEA (Church of Enlightened Assumption) which is also headquartered in Trelona. Neither the International Union of Elvis Impersonators nor any of its affiliates condones violence against aliens benign or otherwise, nor are we affiliated in any capacity with the Laufenberg Foundation or the MK-Ultra Tobacco Company.

Hi, Edgar. I really miss Elvis. He was one of a kind alright. I went to see a few Elvis impersonators when I was living in Las Vegas. It's just not the same as the real thing. What happened to all the Elvis impersonator pics? Tight polyester suits too much for the elderly or what?

Elvis quotes:

1. Just because you look good don't mean you feel good.

2. Folks always look good in their coffins.

3. My songs are a way of caressing people with my voice.

4. People who read sex into my music have dirty minds.

5. The world is more alive at night. It's like God ain't looking.

6. Ain't nowhere else in the world where you can go from driving a truck to driving a Cadillac overnight.

Please, when will you people understand that there will be NO 2020. The world ends 2012. After a life long research project, I discovered that the world ends in 2012, because that is the year the Reptilian (Lizard) women returns to earth. Women drivers in control of those gigantic star ships, forgetting where the brakes are...well you get the picture. And Elvis impersonators...well, that is another story. Everybody knows they are Greys, covered by a silicon mask and skin made by Lucas Arts. Or at least everybody here where I live knows. Stay away from them and don't even think about them, please...

Hello, Conspiracy Man. The 2012 endtime date you mentioned comes from the ancient Mayans, and well, I guess I don't have to tell you they were way too stoned on cocoa leaves to get anything as important as the end of the world correct. Oh sure, they were good at some things, like inventing that hard rubber murder-the-losers basketball and human sacrifice, but accurate predictions and prophecy was just not their bag. They were very good at flintknapping though, and Mayan heiroglyphics are among the best around. I put them right up there with the Egyptians, who, as you may have read in one of the other Fool Moon threads, did not build the pyramids.

Actually, the return of the Reptilian lizard women isn't supposed to happen til 2047, which coincides with the Leonids meteor shower and the alignment of the planets that year plus the earth's magnetic poles will be shifted just enough to change the direction toilet water swirls down the drain in both hemispheres, which may not sound like such a big deal unless of course you are aware of the fact that commodes in the Northern hemisphere are completely different in design from those in the Southern Hemisphere. They are NOT interchangeable, and if installed will overflow continuously.

Add to that the serial eruptions of both land and undersea volcanos which will cause the sea level to rise an estimated 12 feet above normal. By then the remaining worldwide oil reserves will be depleted to the point that the earth's plate tectonics will be operating in a non-lubricant mode which will cause hundreds of major earthquakes as one plate rides up over the adjacent one thereby wreaking havoc upon the face of the planet. Entire cities will simply slide off into the ocean, whales will migrate up our major rivers and beach themselves in Home Depot parking lots throughout the midwest. Migrating birds will fly in opposite directions and millions will perish from lack of proper bird shelter and nourishment.

Elvis impersonators will form an Elvis Cult which worships the King, and they will embark upon a Saint Elvis pilgrimage, in which 50,000 Elvis fans will perish while walking in a blinding snowstorm through rural Montana on their way to Graceland in Memphis. Not to worry, the stock market will rebound and the U.S. economy will once again be the envy of the rest of the world. There will be 12 new Barbie dolls by then and gummy bears will be the size of grapefruit.

I bow before your wisdom, WakeHolden, BUT...

I CONSPIRACY MAN (echo) studied these things my whole life long (mostly on the Internet, but also lying on my bed staring at the ceiling). The Mayans did make such a prediction, oh yes they did. But it is also prophesized so in the Big Book of Gummi (I am sure you know that the animated series on TV is a smoke screen to make you think the Gummi bears are cutesy little bears who lives in caves and drink Gummi berry juice. This is how the Illuminati and Sons of Cain pulls the wool over our eyes to hide the truth from us. It is also predicted so in the lost scrolls of the elders of Antlantica. (on page 2589 second paragraph if you take the fofiu, ghrty, polktr and cvbrt (which forms the word wertghtyufhskskdjksskjfdj) and you add the following one sylable, one letter word which is yui then you get hjuycvbngrpoiep which if translated into English spells exactly 2012.) But I'm sure you know this. Also take Mark 13:30 in the Christian Bible where Jesus says: Verily I say unto you, that this generation shall not pass, till all these things be done. If you take all the letters of the verse, change it into its numeral equivelant and divide it by 33 multiply it by 12 and add 3, you get exactly 2012. If you take the same verse and verse 31 and decode it with the Bible Code program (designed by professor Eliyahu Rips.) its gives the following three words:LIZARDGIRLS, STAR SHIPS, KABOOM.
In this fashion I can go on and on and on and on until you fall asleep. In any case it is not only the Mayans who made the prediction of 2012.

Not entirely sure show i find myself here...BUT as a card carrying member of the Elvis "Church of the Immacculate Deception" I can say that the Life of an Impersonator is not ALL PEANUT BUTTER and BANNANA sandwiches. Let's accept that we are all a bit loose for even walking around in a Jumpsuit, The clients, partygoers, and general lunatics among the congregation at large are truly energetic and enthusiastic at every performance. As well at some point getting lost in the moment and occasionally we find ourselves reminding THEM more than ourselves that we are NOT ELVIS, Santa, or even the Easter Bunny
And of course as the theory of ELVII coming to power may have some mathematical validity, It seems to me to be a segment of the businees that is too not quite as strong in numbersas reported... best of luck to all Jeff Jarvis

I am extremely happy and relieved to see that in my absence others were able to carry on with the paranoid movement to stop the spread of Elvisism. Holidays should be banned or completely ignored when they disrupt the all important work of examining and proliferating paranoid delusions and meaningful non-racist conspiracy theories.

During the holidays I was over-exposed to cable TV programming via the satellite dish which is fastened securely to the South end of my mother's house, and regretfully I came under the diabolical influence of a somewhat lenghty commercial-filled program which focused mainly on the year 2012 and the pseudo-prophet person known as Nostradamus, whose real name when spelled backwards is of course Sumad Artson, who as you probably know was a delusional Euro-Persian living in Europe who made many erroneous far-fetched predictions which have become quite popular among certain misguided individuals in the New Age community who also happen to have a penchant for a certain leafy plant which causes euphoria when smoked or otherwise consumed mainly inside brownies.

Elvis loved brownies but was not a fan of Sumad Artson aka Nostradamus. As a young man, Elvis was once arrested while hitch-hiking just outside Tupelo, Mississipi in a thunderstorm when the guitar case he was carrying accidentally fell open under an overpass exposing a bundle of dried plant refuse which turned out to be rabbit tobacco which his mother Gladys put there for her son's asthma. He spent the night in the local jail, and after serenading the guards for several hours was released after a strange man dressed in black paid his bail and gave him the keys to a brand new 1956 peach and white two-tone Cadillac, but of course Elvis was too young to have a valid driver's license, and so the man also had to hire a chauffeur to drive Elvis on to Sun Records in Memphis.

Elvis arrived in Memphis the next morning and was met by a crew of 14 sex-crazed lizard girls who appeared to be nothing more than a bunch of very excited post-pubescent small town Southern teenagers. Six of these bobby-socked lizard girls somehow managed to breach hotel security (by shapeshifting no doubt) and entered the King's bedroom where they seduced him and created the first known hybrid humanoid Elvis-Lizard offspring. More on this later.